Healing your past to unlock your future

“I can’t seem to let go of this feeling of anger towards my mum” one of my clients said to me.

“She never seemed to listen to me when I was younger. Still doesn’t. I was constantly telling her what I needed and she always seemed to be busy doing something else for someone else.”

The feeling of not being heard can be hugely frustrating for children and adults alike. This can result in behavioural issues ranging from withdrawal through to severe forms of attention-seeking.

My brave and progress-hungry client ploughed through all the times that she had felt ignored, unheard and de-prioritised as a child and young adult. It wasn’t a short list. She was given plenty of opportunities to formulate the unresourceful response of attention seeking. The trouble was, as the rest of her mind had grown up and matured, the part of her that dealt with being unheard had not. It was producing a response in the present that was unwarranted. And it was causing problems.

She had a string of unsuccessful romantic relationships behind her and she wanted to heal this part of her that had not kept pace with the rest of her emotional evolution. She was overflowing with love and wanted a partner to share it with. She knew inside that her issue was a big part of what was blocking her from being available to this possibility.

She had also suffered with a lower back issue for many years which, despite regular treatments and medications, had persisted to the present day.

Following a raw but revelatory journey back through her childhood, she began the process of healing. Using the resourcefulness she had developed as an adult, she observed each instance of feeling unheard, applying to each of them the wisdom that her younger self couldn’t possibly have had access to. Including the realisation that her mum was doing her best with four other children, a husband out of work and a string of health issues.

From this process came a lot of things; forgiveness, acceptance and relief among them.

Her feedback a week or so later was impressive. Not only was she feeling mentally and emotionally strong but her back pain had subsided for the first time in years. She also reflected that having thought about her journey into adulthood, she had realised that a number of vital skills had been learned as a result of her not being listened to in her early years.

She had developed strong communication skills through learning that her initial attempts at being heard were not working. She had also attracted a group of friends that had experienced similar difficulties as children and these people had formed a strong network of support around her. One of them, so impressed by her clear and concise communication skills, had offered her a role in PR at her company. A role that my client would never have previously believed was possible for her.

We can only find true peace and freedom in the present moment when we recognise and accept that our past happened precisely as it should have done for our greatest preparation.

Part of this journey is cultivating awareness. Noticing when the parts of our history that need healing lift themselves into our consciousness.

Carrying hurt, regret, anger, sadness or guilt around is exhausting. It saps the resources we could be using to craft a beautiful future of endless possibility.

The correlation between the language we use and the physical symptoms observed in people is striking. The energy of 'carrying', 'dragging around' or 'holding onto' our past can lead to soreness, pain and restricted movement in the shoulders, back and legs - the areas that are impacted by the physical acts described by these words.

Arguably more importantly, the mental walls that we erect around ourselves through the use of this type of language keep us in limitation and reduce our capacity to share our gifts with the world.

I invite you to explore where you are feeling in any way limited by your past. Where you feel your present capacity to truly shine is being constrained. Try and recognise that whatever happened in your history belongs not in the present, as a weight around your neck, but just where it is. As a hallmark on your souls journey through this experience we call being human.