Unworthiness

Unworthiness is one of the worst feelings that a human being can feel. It has tentacles that reach into areas of life that many other emotions cannot.

I would describe unworthiness as a mix of embarrassment, shame, self-loathing and demotion. It can cause the host to withdraw and to sabotage their relationship to life.

I have worked with many clients suffering with feelings of unworthiness. In almost all cases it stems from a single experience or series of events in the early years of life. A person of value; a parent, guardian or family member, creates one or more conditions around the love or acceptance that they give. When these conditions are not met, the love or acceptance is withheld or removed. It is at this point that the illusion that you need to be someone other than yourself to deserve love is born.

Neurobiology is learning every day about the science of unworthiness. What is known at this point is that a neurological circuit is developed through the collapsing of an event (e.g. rejected by parent) with an emotion (e.g. shame). This circuit finds it home in the amygdala (the part of the brain that controls emotional response) and, with a few more similar experiences, is cemented as your go-to reaction for future events of this type.

The good news is that you learned to feel that way, so you can unlearn it too.

Through effective coaching, counselling or therapy, the root cause of the feelings of unworthiness can be found.

Once you are able to reconcile your past experiences and discover that your value is inherent, sacred and unfuckwithable, and never based on access to the love of another, you recover the energy lost to concern and your experience of life shifts to a brand new level.